What to do if you’re being Ghosted?

Ghosting is the practice of ending a relationship by suddenly (and without explanation) withdrawing from all communication. The “ghost” ignores your attempts to contact them — it’s as if you’d never had any contact at all. This could happen at the very beginning of a relationship or in the middle of one, as well as in person or online. Dealing with being ghosted is incredibly difficult—especially because you usually don’t know the cause or know how to react.

The person suddenly quits all contact with you—they won’t respond to texts, emails, calls, or social media messages. The mental health effects of being on the receiving end of these actions can be very challenging.

If you think you’re being ghosted, here’s what you can do to deal with it:

Allow yourself to feel.

Accept your feelings and allow yourself to hurt. Let yourself have a cry. It’s going to suck for a little while. You may have just told all your friends about how excited you were over this person. You may feel ashamed and embarrassed at how you behaved with this person the last time you saw them. But remember, the way they handled this situation says way more about them than it does about you.

Let go of obsessive thoughts, and allow yourself to feel both sadness and anger, without falling into shame. Give yourself time to grieve. Open your heart to yourself with extra doses of self-love―all you wanted from the other person

Don’t blame yourself.

After someone disappears suddenly, it’s hard to not feel regret, embarrassment and shame. After all, you risked for the sake of growth and it backfired. While ghosting feels so personal, it’s not about you. It’s about them.

Because you usually can’t find a cause and there is no explanation furnished, you may blame yourself. You might want to put up walls so you don’t get hurt again in the future. Or you may tell your friends you will stop dating completely. But now is the time to regroup, be kind to yourself and take a break. You are not to blame for someone walking away without a peep. Nor is it your fault that the other person couldn’t maturely give you the truth.

Don’t try to make contact.

This can be very hard, since you might want to just drown them in angry texts, emails and calls. But if you’re tempted to text or call, think about how the conversation will go, how you will feel, and whether you would even get a truthful answer from the person. Often, people ending a relationship won’t be honest about the reasons or may not even be able to articulate them, because they’re just going with their gut feelings.

In addition, the odds are you’ll be rejected a second time. Wouldn’t that hurt more? To heal faster, maintain no contact after a breakup, including all social media. You don’t want to ever give them a reason to think that ghosting you was a good idea.

Choose self-care.

Make sure you’re sleeping, eating well, practicing mindfulness and exercising. Good physical health helps maintain good mental health. Meditate, do yoga and practice mindfulness. Basically, do anything that makes you feel good and reminds you that you’re perfectly capable of looking after yourself.

You may need a break from dating for a while, but socialize and do other things that you enjoy. Don’t allow yourself to fall into depression, which is distinct from mourning.

Don’t isolate yourself.

Your feelings deserve validation, and talking to people will help you divert any negative brain patterns and harmful thoughts. Spend time with friends or family. Seek the companionship of people whom you trust and with whom you share mutual feelings of love and respect.

Get back into life, and plan activities with friends. Experiencing positive, healthy relationships can put your ghosting situation into perspective.

Show compassion (if you can).

It’s not something you have to do, but it may help if you feel a little sorry for the person who’s done this to you. After all, they’ve just missed out on someone great. And you must be in quite a horrible and emotionally confusing place if you think it’s acceptable to string someone along and completely ghost them.

Wish your “ghoster” luck, because most likely, they’re the ones with the issues and not you.

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