Lessons to learn from a Break-up

Breaking up with someone is never an easy thing to do. While there are a few lessons you can learn from a breakup, it can still be a very lonely experience. When your relationship is officially over, it might be hard not to think about how you wasted your time or how you wish you could’ve done things differently. But instead of thinking of what you could’ve done, try to think about the lessons your relationship has taught you.

Every relationship, whether good or bad, always has a lesson behind it. You just have to look at it from a positive angle. If you’ve recently broken up with your significant other and you’re trying to find the positive during this really difficult time, here are a few lessons you can take with you after a relationship has ended.

Your happiness and validation come from within.

You don’t need a relationship to be happy with yourself. While it might be hard to admit right now, there is more to life than being in a relationship with someone, especially when someone doesn’t treat you the way you want to be treated. Your self-worth is worth more than being with someone just because you’re afraid to break their heart or scared to be alone.

While being in a relationship will make you happy, your external world is just the icing on the cake when it comes to your personal happiness.

You can’t change anyone but yourself.

When we love someone, we often think that our relationship would work if only they changed some habit, behavior or character trait that is hurtful or infuriating. But no matter how bad you want to, or hard you try, no matter what you do or say, you can’t make them change. All you can do is accept them, or not.

Now that doesn’t mean that you have to be a doormat, and put up with all your partner’s BS. It doesn’t mean that you can’t speak your mind, or tell them when they do things you don’t like. What it means is that they’re not going to change unless they really want to.

There is life outside the relationship.

When you’ve been with one person for so long, things change, that person isn’t the same one you fell in love with either. But you’re a part of the relationship now and fail to open your eyes for what’s outside of it.

The fear of being alone is a result of not knowing what to do with your time or how to meet new people. Perhaps you’ve never taken enough time alone to deeply develop your identity as an individual, not a couple. But once you’re put in that situation, you learn as you go and it’s a beautiful journey.

It’s not personal.

When a relationship ends, you blame yourself first. You try to figure out what went wrong and start thinking about what you could have done differently. When you can’t find answers, you start blaming the other person. But that doesn’t help either.

After some time, you eventually find peace as you realize it’s not about you or about them, it’s about how you two fit together. If there’s no balance, it’s much better for each person in the relationship to go their own way. Once you accept that and see how much it makes sense, you will forgive the other person and yourself and will let go of the blame and guilt.

There is strength in forgiveness.

We all would love to show our greatness to our ex and make them lament over leaving us. We’ve all passed this phase. But the real question is, “Why?”

Simply forgive them and move on – it’s a sign of strength. Forgiving is strength. Not everyone can forgive, it requires lots of courage and maturity to grow beyond silly manifestations of greatness. Trust me – you gain everything by forgiving them.

The pain goes away.

When you’re hurt, you think it will never get better, until some time has passed (that period is different for all of us) and you see light at the end of the tunnel. You realize you have the strength to move on. You take your lessons, put a smile on your face, and suddenly feel like a big burden has been lifted off your shoulders.

That’s the act of letting go and it happens naturally. Once it does, you’re open to exploring a new world of opportunities and never looking back. You also build resilience to more pain in the future. There will be more challenging experiences but having faith in the healing process and trusting your abilities to get over it will help you tremendously.

You lose in heart, but you gain in soul.

Any break up is devastating and heart wrenching. Nevertheless, like every failure – you may lose in heart, but you gain in soul. You will be much more convincing as an individual and learn to deal with the melancholy of life with dignity. It gives you enormous strength to face life, even if it hits you hard.

After all, you survived a breakup.

No relationship is a waste of time.

Whatever you do, don’t view the relationship as a failure. No matter how long you and your significant other were together, don’t ever think that you’ve wasted your time with that person.

When a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean that you wasted too many years on this person; there was a reason this person came into your life. Take this time to rediscover yourself and cherish the memories that you did have together. While you may feel sad now (and that’s totally normal), eventually you’ll look back having learned from the breakup, and you’ll feel like everything happened for a reason — and you’ll be a stronger person because of it.

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